Thursday, January 17, 2008

"a grain of rice may tip the scale... man may be the difference between victory and defeat." (from Disney's 'Mulan')

I made a very small, yet very effective decision today. I decided to be positive. Here's my story...

In high school I was always involved in activities that sucked up all of my time. School was very easy for me, and I was able to do all of my homework during the class period before it was due. Always. With that minor annoyance taken care of, I was able to spend the remainder of my time participating in every imaginable music/theatre-related activity (and work, junior and senior year). I was in Madrigal Singers, Vocal Jazz Ensemble, Belles, Bel Canto, fall plays and spring musicals, and I worked about twenty hours a week. I woke up at 5:30am every weekday, spent the day (and often the entire evening) at school, or the day at school and the evening at work, or what have you. Life was good. I wasn't stressed. I could easily get away with B minuses in my honors classes because they counted as a 5.1 on our 5.0 scale (essentially, my very easily-earned B was worth more than some students' hard-earned A's). Great times.

There have been a few changes to my life since then, but the essence is the same. I get up, go to class, have a few breaks here and there in which I finish as much homework as possible. I'm in class all day, and I've just started working as a Writing Advisor which, thankfully, is a very flexible position. I have rehearsals every day, voice lessons twice a week, and I attend as many Chapel and College Life services that I can. I will not enumerate here my various committments because I think that it might frighten some people away...let's just say that I work hard, study hard, and play hard. Life is good.

But it is frequently daunting. Today, I went to class, registered myself for payroll in HR (money is good), ordered yet ANOTHER textbook for way too much money, went to more class, grabbed a very small snack, went to rehearsal, had a meeting, went to class, did laundry, had a voice lesson, and here I sit. Before me lies an evening of food (soon, I hope), rehearsal, homework, and much-needed sleep. If you think today is bad, Wednesdays are much worse. This is a relatively slow day, and that's what scares me. This is the first week of class and already I am overwhelmed by the looming mass of responsibilities that lies before me, and it is this feeling that I wished to discuss.

I decided today that I was going to think more positively about my life. Not "try," just do. It either happens or it doesn't. This thought came to me when I was talking to my friend Cindy this afternoon--she's waiting to see if she has mono, and she said, "But if I do have mono, it's really just going to be funny. There's no use being upset about it, because if I'm upset AND tired, then I just feel horrible." LIGHTBULB! I responded, "Yeah, if I have things to worry about, what's the use of wasting energy on worry when I should be using that energy to take care of the things that I'm worried about." Thus, the resolutiont to be positive.

I am generally cheerful, as many well know, but even I, the inhumanly joyous one, have bad days. Or weeks. Therefore, I ask for your prayers. Pray for me that I continue to look to God as the source of my joy, and that I would rely on His comfort not just in times of distress, but always.


PS--To explain the title, I was thinking that the decision to be positive was really not very earth-shattering, but something that small makes a HUGE difference in the way one lives. I just forgot to work that in...maybe later.

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