Friday, September 4, 2009

a surprise blessing (the best kind!)

Haha! I met with my dearest professor, Helen, yesterday to talk with her about the mess in my head (see previous post). Of course, she was as wonderful as I always expect her to be, and our conversation went something like this:

"...so I feel like it would really help me to go live in a women's commune for awhile until I get sick of all of the estrogen and go crazy. That would actually help a lot. Other than that, I'm not really sure what to do."
[Helen nods and mmm's in agreement]

"Anyway, I think I might go to my parents' this weekend to try to get away, but I also hate the suburbs so I'm not really sure how helpful that will be...grrr...*general grumbling*"
[Helen looks at me patiently, as always, and then suddenly perks up:]

Helen: "Well, I can offer this to you...you could come to Plow Creek this weekend. Some women at Reba are going for the weekend to this Women's Circle and we're going to learn to butcher and pluck chickens and we'll meditate and just get away and be a bunch of anarchist women. It sounds like that might be helpful to you..."

Me: "Awww! Wow, Helen, that's great. Can you send me the information?"

And so, that is how I came to be frantically preparing for a weekend under the stars. I don't have a tent, nor do I want one, and I don't have a camp stove, but I think Helen might. I'll be spending the weekend living outside and climbing trees, cooking communal meals, and participating in discussion groups with topics such as "Sexuality and Health" and "Faith, Spirituality, and Anarchism". Oh, and there's dancing. So, it's basically perfect.

Anyway, I'm very grateful to my dear Helen for her invitation and her patience and love. She's a pretty great lady.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

life as I know it

Well, school is back in full swing and with it comes all of the ups and downs of homework, campus jobs, relationships, and lack of adequate sleep and nutrition. Also, the fact that my bike was stolen over a month ago has created its own set of problems.

Driving to the grocery store: $5

Taking CTA to dance class: $4.50 minimum

Walking back and forth from apartment to school: one or two meals per day

Biking everywhere: Priceless

I think that I've probably lost more weight in the past two weeks than I did all summer since I have been less mobile than usual. It means that not only do I have to walk everywhere, I also eat less because I'm too poor to eat out and I'm too much of a food snob to buy anything truly portable--everything that I want to eat needs to be either hot or refridgerated.

It's not all bad, though. Even though I'm annoyed with my lack of bike, I've gotten to know the knooks and krannies of my neighborhood and I've found tons of bottle caps for my latest crochet project. Even though I have many moments when I wish I hadn't come to North Park and that my whole life had been different, I am reminded in these moments of where I've been and can use the memories to see where I'd like to go. Even though I'm in love with a man and we're both a little too messed up to be together right now, the fact that we two decided together that we loved each other enough to let go gives me hope for our future. Even though I don't really want to be in 90% of my classes, I have great mentors who are willing to meet with me to advise and lend an ear to my whining.

There's a lot in my head right now, but it doesn't want to come out in sensible chunks (does it ever?) so I'll leave you with that. Just some food for thought.

Back to work.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

forward and back



I never thought I'd say this, but I miss this mess on my desk. Sure, this picture brings up memories of times I'd rather forget, including among other things many many hours of paper-writing and agonizing over my sins. However, the multitude of drinking apparati also remind me of cold days greeted by a hot mug of tea or a hearty glass of water. It also reminds me of slightly simpler days: days before rent, before actually caring what my roommates think about my dish-doing abilities/desires (or lack thereof), before making more phone calls per day than I ever thought possible...sigh. However, the days of homework and drudgery are soon returning and I cannot wait. I know, I listed that as one of the memories I'd prefer to forget, but that's because if I forget it, I will approach this new semester with more confidence instead of being bogged down by my memories of being bogged down. Fall semester of my senior year, here I come!!

what I want most

What I want most in this moment is an eighty-seven degree day complete with a post-sunset thunderstorm that lasts for at least three hours. It's what I have been looking forward to for quite some time now, and it would just make my life. That being said, I have many other reasons by which my life is being made just now, so I'm grateful.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

shingles update

Well, Mr. Luke is making a slow yet steady recovery from his bout with shingles. I believe it's been about 8-10 days since the onslaught, and the standard time of illness is generally around 12-16 days (numbers depend on their source). So, considering he was just recently quite ill and slogging around all day and slightly drowsy from the miniscule amount of vicadin he could be given for the pain, he's doing quite well. The last I heard, yesterday, was that he was able to go to work for a few days (praise the LORD!), though he um...vomited...on a few occasions in those days. He thinks that's probably his stomach's reaction to the vicadin. It looks like things are getting better for our dear Luke-y-poo. (I do not call him that. Our funny nineteen-year-old friend calls him that.)

Anyway, all prayers--past, present, and future--are much appreciated.

Friday, July 17, 2009

housewifery

I think that's an awesome word. The first time I saw the noun "housewife" adapted to refer to a skill that one might possess, I was reading Wendell Berry, and I was thrilled. It seems that the word "housewife" has collected many a negative connotation in its day, and I am here to correct these slightly misplaced ideas. Pardon my arrogance in even attempting this post, as I claim to be an expert in nearly nothing, and especially not in the precise history of feminism.

Once upon a time, most people were farmers with farmer wives and farm children and farmer neighbors and farm towns. Men did the hard outside work because women did the equally delicate and equally respected work of caring for the household and raising the children (to which they also, incidentally, gave birth). Men and women were required by their environment to possess certain skills and a certain level of creativity and ingenuity. All sorts of real, in-your-face problems would appear, day after day, and you had only your family and friends to help you. No "experts", no "consultants", just everyday intelligent folks.

Times were good, but some people thought that they could be better. The era of industrialization appeared on the horizon, and with it came inventions such as tractors, delivery trucks, and milking machines. Some farmers began to buy into these seemingly helpful devices and their farms grew larger and larger, and the increase in production decreased the cost which increased demand. Enter the evil villains like the Chicago meat-packing factories (please see The Jungle by Upton Sinclair for further information). These factories that appeared called for men to come to work for them, since only a few farmers were needed to actually farm and the rest of the farmers needed new work. It was at this time that the man's job began to support his household by earning money for buying things.

Slowly, as industrialization took more and more farms and more and more ex-farmers were going to work in the factories, the women became restless. Their men were at work all day doing some job that the women did not see them doing and so could not understand. Instead of coming home from farming, a job that women can and must take part in, he came home from a "work" outside the household and community, creating distance between man and his wife. She began to feel at once unimportant (or at least less so) and curious. What does he do all day? What does his work produce?

Enter the beginnings of feminism. Feminism did not begin as a man-hating, bra-burning, free-sex movement designed to allow women to be as masculine as they wanted/needed to be of use in the world. It began as an effort on woman's part to experience this new world, to be appreciate again, to "contribute" to the family by earning money instead of by taking care of the household and family as they always had done. Of course, once "contribution" became the goal, it followed that men and women should be payed the same amount so that each could "contribute" equal financial parts to the household.

Well, we all know where this leads. Now, women are encouraged to be as masculine as possible, presumably so as to be worthy of earning as much as men, of being hired for the same jobs as men, and being hired for the same reasons as men. The housewife is a thing of the past. If a woman today is a housewife, it is assumed that she has little to no self-respect or business skill, is completely subservient to her husband, or has no ambition to make a "contribution" to the world. Having more than the average 2.5 children is thought of as insane, and spending more than ten minutes on dinner because you care about your family's health is snobbery and a waste of time.

But I say NO (I'm sure you didn't see that coming, ha-HA!). For you women who are in business of your own choosing and enjoy it, I applaud you. I applaud you further if you remain feminine in the process. Men and women are different. By fighting this basic truth, we unwittingly yet forcefully acknowledge its verity. Use your femininity to your advantage, and don't worry so much about how much you make. Fairness is an illusion, anyhow.

For the women who are housewives of their own choosing and enjoy it, I embrace you. In this day and age, being a businesswoman is likely just as good as being a housewife, but I think it's especially important to encourage housewives since they are a dying breed. Ideally, your being a housewife suggests that at the very least, you feel that your work is appreciated by your husband and your friends, and perhaps at the most, your husband's work is familiar to you and it does not necessarily "contribute" financially to the household as much as it contributes to the value and sanctity of your work together.

All that is to say, I plan on being a strong, mighty housewife (Lord willing) with many children (screw birth control...pun intended) and more skills than the Catskills mountains. That doesn't mean I won't work at all--housewives can work a little bit, as they always did on the farms of the old days--but that I will also be quite adept at cooking, cleaning, mending, sewing, fixing, teaching, and rubbing the old man's shoulders when he comes in at the end of the day. I will not be subservient, nor will I be bossed around or unappreciated. As declared by Athena of My Big Fat Greek Wedding, "It's true, de man is de head of de house...But, de woman is de neck, and she can turn de head a-ny way she wants!"

I bought a skirt really cheap at a thrift store today, but it's too big. I'm taking it in on my overnight shift.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

cynthi-ahhhhh!

My dearest Cindy,

I know you will find your way to this post eventually, and I just wanted to say that I love you and miss you and I hope you're having a good time and not stressing out too much about your wedding which is in twenty-three days!! I am so looking forward to seeing you, even if it's just for a moment to give you a hug and a kiss and a "congratulations".

Take care of yourself and your in-laws in Hawaii. I'll see you in August, my dear.

Love,
Heather